Each Other's Garments

My poor husband is facing great trials on his job. I am wringing my hands trying to come up with ways to support him through this difficult phase in his career.

Save from abandoning my post in the home as wife and mother just so I can alleviate his burden as the provider for the family, the wisest thing to do is to continue keeping my mouth sealed, i.e. no nagging, complaints, or criticisms. So far, doing so brought much peace and harmony between us, praise be to Allah. It is also important that I express true sympathy, appreciation and sincere admiration for him. Listening to him and understanding the sacrifices he has to make daily in order to provide for us makes it easy to do so.

I should also let him know that I believe in his true worth, even if others do not (or that is how he perceives). And I must find it in my heart to forgive him if I feel he has slighted me in some way. I must stay positive and not allow his dark moods to influence me. I must not panic but continue to be his gentle confidante and loving supporter. The next best thing is to keep the household running intact and not allow my rambunctious son to run all over him when he is in need of rest. Last but not least I need to keep him constantly in my prayers.

It may seem like a tall order but we all have our parts to play in a loving marriage. A beautiful line in the Qur'an describes the relationship between a husband and wife, "they are your garments as you are their garments". In His mercy, Allah gave us the right to protection under our husbands' care, so to show our gratitude we do our part to preserve our husband's best interest at heart by doing all that is within our means, Insha'Allah.

"Remember Me, and I shall remember you; be grateful to Me,
and deny Me not." (Quran 2:152)

Tragic Landslide in Bukit Antarabangsa

So many thoughts and emotions are bubbling up to the surface in response to the never ending calamities that have befallen our world. The latest tragic landslide in Bukit Antarabangsa, Selangor ended up burying 14 bungalows and killing 4 people.

Dunya life is so fleeting and fragile, to be attached to it makes me feel like we are foams on the crest of waves not knowing where we will end up or how it will turn out for us in the end.

We are in dire need of Allah. He is extending a life rope for us and it is up to us to hold on to it.

"He knows all that enters the earth and all that emerges therefrom, and that which comes down from the sky and all that ascends therein; and He is with you wherever you may be." (al-Hadid47:4)

'Snapshots' for the Baby Scrapbook

I may moan about the endless rounds of nursing and childcare. But truth be told I am desperately clutching onto these fleeting moments which I know will be over all too soon.

Eventually all I will be left with are fragments of memories to savour during my time alone while my son blazes on towards his own future. He will no longer turn to me for his source of comfort and nourishment, instead he'll be running out the door to pursue his own dreams and ambitions. While I undoubtedly look forward to see him grow into an independent young man, a part of me is already mourning for his dimpled innocence.

And these are just some of the moments that I want to capture and emblazon into the scrapbook of my memory...

The look of eagerness and delight on his face just before he chows down for milk.

The look of peace that descends on him as he drifts off into slumberland.

The swirl of baby soft curls on his pretty head.

His lips ripe and moist as he continues to suckle away in his sleep.

No matter how difficult the day had been with Alipuddin', I can always count on the night to hush in and eventually bring sleep to my precious baby.

I am eternally grateful to Allah for sending a taste of His Mercy into our humbled lives. Alhamdulillah.

The Way of Motherhood

It all began when my baby's incessant demands left me bone weary, to the point that even my ever-patient mother was on the verge of throwing in the towel. Bewildered over my son's apparently 'bad behaviour', I couldn't make head nor tails regarding his growing dependence upon us. After all, he's already hit is one year mark and so to my reasoning he should become more independent by now. Unbidden, images of 'spoiling him' started to haunt me and I began to doubt the attachment parenting mode I have adopted ever since I gave birth to Ali. It didn't help that DH made a cutting I-told-you-so remark about how I should have left Ali to cry it out instead of instantly going to him at the first sign of a whimper.

Feeling helpless, I reached for one of those baby training books I've tried to resist the past year. While I cannot agree to all that she suggests, Gina Ford does have a valid point. In her book 'The Contented Toddler', she writes, "Once they pass their first birthday and enter toddlerhood, the majority of babies become more demanding and need much more attention. Although they are striving towards independence physically, mentally and emotionally they go through a stage where they need a lot more reassurance and attention." It makes a lot of sense to me. My baby is torn between staying inside the comfort and safety zone of his mother and the insatiable desire to explore the adventures of the world unknown. Poor baby! Ambivalence is an emotional state very familiar to me. One example is of me being a parent. In all honesty, I love being a parent but on the other hand I miss the freedom of being footloose and fancy free, unencumbered with the responsibilities that motherhood entails.

But any semblance of ambivalence Alipuddin' feels towards his independence is thrown out of the window the moment he is taken out on a trip with us. His whole demeanour lights up like a blossoming chrysanthemum the moment we head out of doors. More than once I would see him crawl up to strangers in bookstores, flashing his dimpled smiles at them. It is not uncommon to see one beleaguered parent (me) chasing after a toddler in the children's section of a bookstore! It has to be said that Ali is most at home among crowds of people. During a gathering at a friend's place a couple of days ago, Ali could not resist crawling into the lap of an unsuspecting guest! Masha'Allah! Maybe he is just blessed with such an open and friendly temperament but I'd also like to believe that it is our approach to parenting which has nurtured his sense of trust in the people around him.

As Alipuddin' hurtles headlong into the realm of toddlerhood, it began to dawn on me that I cannot simply put him down on the floor and expect him to happily occupy himself with the few toys and knick knacks tossed along his way. It just doesn't work that way with him. Taking a cue from the book, I decided to incorporate some sort of structure to my go-with-the-flow style of parenting. I hope that by lending some predictability to his days, Ali's tendency to fuss would lessen. By organising some activity in between his meals and nap time, be it it a trip to the park, or time spent with him just rolling around on the bed, I surely hope this routine would effectively work off some of his energy while giving him the reassurance and attention he sorely needs at this stage of life. It's common sense really. My baby needs me. It's just that I need someone to kick me in the head yet again to drive that point home.

Praise be to God, so far, it's working like a charm, although it does require a great deal of work on my part. Instead of getting caught up with completing my chores and tending my personal projects, I decide to 'let him have me for the day'. I have to tell myself repeatedly that I will have time for myself once more, perhaps during his nap time, or at night while he slumbers in dreamland, and more completely when my baby decides he is finally ready to become more independent. After all, as experienced parents are often wont to say, these moments will be over all too soon. And I intend to do as Thoreau do and "live deep and suck all the marrow of life" when it comes to motherhood.

Julia Cameron, author of 'The Artist's Way' reminds me that "Frustrations and rewards exist at all levels on the path." To borrow the same analogy, the Way of Motherhood means traveling continuously upward on a spiral path. More than once, I have to circle the same issues over and over again but always I end up on a different level after gaining a few gold nuggets of wisdom along the way.

"Or do you think that you shall enter the Garden (of Bliss) without such (trials) as came to those who came before you? They encountered suffering and adversity, and were so shaken in spirit that even the Messenger and those in faith who were with him cried: 'When (will come) the help of God?' Ah! Verily, the help of God is always near!" Surah Al Baqarah (2:214)

Post Eid, Its Highs & Lows (Part 1)

After the high of Ramadan culminating in the joyous occasion that is Eid, there is a natural letdown in spirit and mood in the days that follow, personally speaking of course.

It must be said though, that this year's Ramadan has not been as spiritually fulfilling as I would have liked. Being a mother to a rambunctious 11-month-old baby boy drew heavily on my limited reservoir of patience, willpower, and energy. I was forced to stay home with this handful of joy while others retreat to the Masjid for Tarawih prayers. I felt like an outsider looking at a window display full of gorgeous mouthwatering desserts just out of reach.

The lonely nights praying Tarawih at home did not feel the same, nor did it feel equal to the Tarawih I had performed last Ramadan in congregation. Last year I allowed nothing to stand in my way of attending Tarawih--not even the baby in my tummy who's decided to come early into this world just a couple of days shy of Eid!

I must remind myself that Tarawih is a voluntary prayer. I should be most grateful that God has granted me ease and comfort in meeting my fasting obligation especially as I was breastfeeding my baby. I am reminded of the Prophet's saying, "When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any gates of Paradise she wishes."

Instead of mourning over the juma'ah I could not attend, I must ask myself the 4 pertinent questions inherent from the hadith above; have I performed the 5 daily prayers with khushu' (solemnity and full submissiveness)? Was my fasting acceptable? ie did I also keep in check my tongue, eyes, ears, hands, and feet from wrongdoing? Have I preserved my chastity by practicing modesty and self-restraint? Did I obey my husband willingly? Even though it feels inconvenient to me?

Masha'Allah, what a reality check! In other words; keep it simple, sister! I must keep in mind this checklist when I forget to put first thing's first. It is especially important in this day of age when everyone else seems so much ahead of me.

Another hadith equates the pregnant and nursing mother to a soldier on active duty. If she dies, she receives the reward reserved for a martyr! Praise be to God, I am right where the action is, deep in the trenches of motherhood!

So, what's past is past. Learn from it to better my future. May Allah grant me opportunities to celebrate many more Ramadans and Eids in the coming years. Ameen.