'Snapshots' for the Baby Scrapbook

I may moan about the endless rounds of nursing and childcare. But truth be told I am desperately clutching onto these fleeting moments which I know will be over all too soon.

Eventually all I will be left with are fragments of memories to savour during my time alone while my son blazes on towards his own future. He will no longer turn to me for his source of comfort and nourishment, instead he'll be running out the door to pursue his own dreams and ambitions. While I undoubtedly look forward to see him grow into an independent young man, a part of me is already mourning for his dimpled innocence.

And these are just some of the moments that I want to capture and emblazon into the scrapbook of my memory...

The look of eagerness and delight on his face just before he chows down for milk.

The look of peace that descends on him as he drifts off into slumberland.

The swirl of baby soft curls on his pretty head.

His lips ripe and moist as he continues to suckle away in his sleep.

No matter how difficult the day had been with Alipuddin', I can always count on the night to hush in and eventually bring sleep to my precious baby.

I am eternally grateful to Allah for sending a taste of His Mercy into our humbled lives. Alhamdulillah.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race, Insha'Allah

I've been hemming and hawing, tinkering, polishing, yet have nothing much to show for my so-called Creative Dream.

I couldn't decide which part I should work on first. I kept changing my mind about it, making all kinds of excuses about how it's not good enough, not original enough, ad nauseam. If the publisher hadn't called me to say she's interested, I would've abandoned the whole idea yet again. Having someone to answer for kept me chained to my desk. Unfortunately, my eyes kept wandering to the clock on the wall which only intensified the urgency I felt. And do I have ants in my pants? Every time my baby twitches or groans in his sleep I'd find myself jumping up from my seat. What a horrible experience!

Pursuing my Creative Dream felt a lot like going through my hubby's stash of lost socks and trying to find a mate to match the one that just came out from the laundry basket. It is not the ecstasy that I came to expect when I was fresh out of design college fantasizing about living the creative life.

Just to show how desperate I was, I binged on a novel by Sophie Kinsella by day and watched Gossip Girl by night .

It is not like I'm working on a great novel, heck it's not even for young adults...it's for kiddies for goodness sake. Sigh.I admit I am deathly afraid of sending my pock-marked work out into the world. Perfectionist strikes again and this time it's holding me back from doing the work I love.

But then I am reminded of a system called 'Micromovements' introduced by SARK in her book, 'Make Your Creative Dreams Real'. I ONLY have to take tiny actions which can last from 5 seconds to 5 minutes. Fine, that doesn't look too hard. So during a lull one quiet afternoon, I gave myself 5 minutes to switch the computer on and tinker to my heart's content. I promised myself some reading time once my time is up. Soon enough my minutes are over but lo and behold, I found myself on a creative roll and I did not want to stop!

This system got rid of the guilt I felt when I could only make a couple of simple sketches for my work and nothing else. It also gave me permission to celebrate my turtle-like work style. At least I'm no longer stuck in that perfectionist hole I keep falling into. And that is a big turnaround for me, Praise be to God.

I'm now in the habit of switching my computer on standby mode and leaving my notebook ready on my desk for whenever inspiration strikes or when time and family commitments allow. Besides it's very rare that I get to have chunks of time to spend on my projects; Real Life always gets in the way. But I've come to believe that tiny movements add up to miles of progress. And wasn't it the Turtle who won the race in the end?

The Courage to Pursue My Dreams

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop
to look fear in the face...You must do the thing you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt

Subhanallah! A publisher has finally expressed interest in publishing my children's book! I've waited so long I've almost given up hope of ever seeing my work in book form. But now wham bang! in the midst of dirty diapers and thrashing toddler I am offered this opportunity to pursue my dreams.

But there's still a lot to be done. I need to dust off my rusty illustration skills and open up my old manuscript folder, gather my tools and organise my work into publishable form. And what about my son! Who's going to mind him while I'm busy chasing after deadlines?!

Fear is raising up its ugly head.

But I must believe in myself. If I don't, how can I expect others to believe in me?

And never ever forget to put my trust in Allah.

Joy in the Present Moment

It's been a week since I decided to spend some time with my baby boy- and joy of joys, he is thriving once more! I took him to the park and let him play in the sand, I let him loose in the children's library while I sat nearby with an unopened book, and on days when I don't feel like going in the car, I took him out on a stroll around the neighbourhood block. I went out more for his sake rather than mine; if it were up to me I'd rather hole myself with a good book or surf on the Internet.

I tend to live in my head a lot. It wasn't a problem when I'd only myself to think about. My husband certainly doesn't need me to keep him entertained all day (more likely he's the one who has to keep me happy). But having a baby changes everything. It meant having to integrate this little person with big needs into my lone ranger lifestyle, a transition which has not been quite so easy.

Alhamdulillah, the Almighty recognises my need to grow and sent me this little person to develop parts of me which lies dormant. It forces me to crack open my cerebral shell and find joy in the present moment. Dr. Sears, a pediatric expert and author of 'The Baby Book' assures me that children and their play remind us that “life is at its best when we take time to relax, use our imagination, and just have fun.”

And indeed, it is fun to forget about myself for a moment and spend time with my baby. To share his delight as he bangs away on the pots and pans oblivious to the ear-splitting noise he is making, or to see the earnestness on his face as he attempts to sweep the floor with a brush and dustpan, all these joy-filled moments are mine for the taking if only I choose to surrender my own needs and expectations.

Playing and spending time with our children may not be intellectually stimulating. But it is important as we're building a connection. We reap the rewards in the form of trust, discipline, and self-esteem as they get older, Insha'Allah. "You're letting your child know that you care about her and her world,” says Dr. Sears. “All of these factors contribute to your child's developing sense of competence and confidence.”

A while back when I was occupied with getting things done around the house, poor Alipuddin' seems to have lost interest in food. I should have known something was off when even nursing holds no favour for my breast-milk guzzling baby. Ali was essentially trying to tell me that he needed me, but I was too busy with my own to-do list to notice. While I got a lot done in the house, my poor son was hungry for my love and attention.

Alhamdulillah for this change of perspective. I am happy to report that more often than not, my days are blurring from one blissful moment to the next. Although hard days are inevitable, especially the past couple of days when he had a slight fever and thus would cling to me like velcro, it is less of a struggle now that I decide to step out of my head for my baby and live in the here and now so I may profit in the Hereafter.

I am always reminded of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) who never fails to show kindness and compassion to children. Without a doubt he is the best example on how we should treat our children.