My Baby vs Me

Parenting can wear you thin. You want time out. Time to devote to your own studies, reading, writing, crafting, peace, quiet, tranquility...but parenting is having none of it.

Being a mother requires us to be constantly surrendering our own expectations and will to the present moment, to the child and his growing soul. It is not easy, far from it. I whine and complain a lot--until I came across this verse from the holy book.

"It is He who created you from a single person, and made his mate of like nature, in order that he may dwell with her (in love). When they are united, she bears a light burden and carries it about (unnoticed). When she grows heavy, they both pray to God their Lord, (saying): If You give us a goodly child, we vow we shall (ever) be grateful." Surah Al A'raf (7:189)

It seems that I have forgotten the reason why I wanted to stay home and become a wife and a mother. It appears that I have forgotten to give thanks to the Almighty for giving me this beautiful child who's perfect in every way except that he is still in that precious stage where he is reliant upon his mother for his nourishment, attention, and love.

In conclusion, I have become an ungrateful brat. It startles me, to come to this realisation. But it has made me aware of how much fallible and human I am, and that I could not do this on my own. (Perhaps in His infinite wisdom, it has been His intention all along to point me in the right direction by giving me a not-so-subtle nudging in the form of a high-need baby?)

I must turn to God. Ask him to grant me patience. Lots of it. I want to thrive and flourish in my role as wife and mother rather than just mere surviving as it is these that I will be accounted for in the end. And for that I need His help.

I also came across this paragraph by Debi Pearl which paints a picture in my eye of what loving and parenting is all about:

"Love wears the garments of laughter, joy, thanksgiving, delighted eyes meeting delighted eyes. Love is driving down the road singing together because the children’s joy is more important than your own tranquility. Love is hugs, cooking together, taking time to build a tent over the furniture. Love is making the children a part of your life—a part of your daily routine. Love is an irresistible delight in the developing soul of another person."

Parenting is about being present for our child no matter what agenda we have planned for ourselves--it may even require us to sacrifice our tranquility (gasp!). But God in His Mercy has given His promise thus, "Verily in the remembrance of God do hearts find rest." Surah Al Ra'd (13:28).

Clearly 'peace and tranquility' are not products I can grab off the top shelf of a supermarket. Rather it is a gift to those who willingly submit their will to Him.

Lord, grant me strength to lay aside my selfishness in the hope that by serving You my heart will find rest. Ameen