Your Worth as a Homemaker

 

Mother and children, oil on canvas, 1941, Fernando Amarsolo

My work, like others who choose to take on the role of homemakers, revolves much around the daily tasks that make up a home;  the cooking, dusting, mopping and scrubbing, and not to mention the disciplining and training of children. 

Unless I pause and reflect on why I chose this old-age and oftentimes devalued profession, it is easy for me to feel despair at all the endless tasks that await me every morning.

In a classic 1943 novella called The Little Prince, an astute fox shared this bit of wisdom that I continue to find enlightening and very comforting.

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

And so it is, with the daily rounds of a homemaker.  

Fernando Amarsolo

Seen outwardly, the tasks of making a home appears to be steeped in drudgery. What was cleaned, becomes soiled, and what was served gone just as soon as they were placed on the table (or so it feels to this beleaguered cook) save for the grease stains left behind after hours in the kitchen. 

If I value my work through the eyes that only see the physical aspects of homemaking, I can easily become disheartened. 

Gratefully the clever fox reminded me there is so much more that goes on than the eyes can see. And in my situation, homemaking tasks that appear mundane but are in essence, vital and life-giving for humanity. 

For example, it is only through the heart that one can see the amount of love that goes in preparing a meal; it involves creating a menu that would make use of ingredients already available in the pantry so that none goes to waste. It also requires that the tastes and nutritional needs of family members be taken into consideration.

Next, there is the thoughtful purchasing of produce from the market or for those who are industrious, picked fresh from the garden.  

A basket of mangoes, oil on canvas, 1949, Fernando Amarsolo

 

Then with deft hands, onions, garlic, spices, meat and veggies are pared and chopped into bite-sized morsels or pounded into granules to blend smoothly into liquid.

Finally, the proper method of heating is applied to produce a particular result; whether it be crispy, crunchy, creamy or soupy. The balance must be right, its spiciness and tanginess offset by its sweetness, and salted just so. 

And all this while the kitchen is alive with the sounds, movements and presence of the wife and mother. The delicious smells she created from her cooking reassure family members that good things are to come, and for this moment at least, things are all right with the world. 

Our work is essential; our feminine touches revive the flagging spirit of our husbands, our children thrive with the warmth, gentleness and encouragement we show, our kindness and consideration lift the poor, the sick and the elderly in positive and altruistic ways. 

What has been described may seem so idyllic that I baulk even as I write. So much pressure. It's much simpler to pull my sleeves up and tackle my to-do lists, barking at my children to do their part. But there is resentment simmering away underneath my frantic busy work. What happened to my labour of love? All these chores are taking up so much of my time! 

I need to take a step back and remind myself that in these seemingly simple tasks that when done unselfishly and purely out of love, this is when the real, essential work begins, that the tediousness is lifted to the realms of the extraordinary. 

In a world that places high value on high-touch and personalised customer services, the very nature of a homemaker's work is to attend to the details of everyday life; creating quality of living for others, often foregoing expectations of reward, recognition and monetary compensation.  

Our work may be invisible to the eyes of the world, but in the hearts of those who love us dearly, a homemakers' daily cares take on spiritual importance. Anyone can be hired to cook and clean, but it takes a woman whose heart is at home to create an abode that brings comfort and solace and a place of belonging for those within her intimate circle.  

Allah knows best.

Painting by Fernando Amarsolo 

A Homemaker's Legacy

The Orange Seller | Enrique Serra y Auque

What if our dream is to simply be a homemaker suitable for our families? 

Nothing wrong with that, you might say. 

True, but I can't be the only one who feels constantly bombarded by messages subtle and overt that says that the dream is not enough, that I can do more, I ought to do more and most of all, I deserve SO much more!

I'm sure we've all heard the call to arms to play "bigger" and take centre stage in the world's spotlight. 

The media sings praises for the superwoman who can juggle husband, kids and a lucrative empire without batting an eyelash. 

The women who chooses to devote their lives to the home and family are made to feel as if they are wasting their minds and talents when the "world needs their special gifts Now." 

Certainly there are women who can juggle it all. They are gifted with particular strengths, temperaments and circumstances to want to pursue such a life. But with such stature comes bigger responsibilities. And perhaps they have weighed in the cost of accountability that comes with being in such positions. 

Then there are those who have to reluctantly leave their families every morning in order to provide for their loved ones.  Yet they long to be home with their children. My heart goes out to these women. May their yearnings one day come true. 

And then there are folks, like me who prefer to live simpler lives and be at home in the fullest sense. We prefer nothing more than to mind our own business, caring for our families, pouring our energies discreetly into what truly matters. 

This quiet work in the home nourishes us spiritually as much as it nourishes the family we are serving. 

Thank goodness to the men who have valiantly relieved us of the duty of having to provide for the material necessities that keeps our children and ourselves safe and well. The demands of the outside world do not affect us and this frees us to devote ourselves to our intimate circle; strengthening the familial bonds that transcends time and space. 

To us traditional women, family and home is our portfolio of investment. Yes, money is important and so is love. It may be a cliché but in my own humble opinion, there needs to be at least ONE person who is willing to take up the mantle of caring for its members, to be its gatekeeper and create out of her own hands a sense of belonging. 

No matter how "simple" our dream of becoming a homemaker may be, there is no doubt that the world needs our contributions. As caretakers of a lasting legacy, we believe that when our souls have long left this plane of existence, our love continues to influence generations of children, grandchildren and many others whom we are blessed to have crossed our paths.

Each Other's Garments

My poor husband is facing great trials on his job. I am wringing my hands trying to come up with ways to support him through this difficult phase in his career.

Save from abandoning my post in the home as wife and mother just so I can alleviate his burden as the provider for the family, the wisest thing to do is to continue keeping my mouth sealed, i.e. no nagging, complaints, or criticisms. So far, doing so brought much peace and harmony between us, praise be to Allah. It is also important that I express true sympathy, appreciation and sincere admiration for him. Listening to him and understanding the sacrifices he has to make daily in order to provide for us makes it easy to do so.

I should also let him know that I believe in his true worth, even if others do not (or that is how he perceives). And I must find it in my heart to forgive him if I feel he has slighted me in some way. I must stay positive and not allow his dark moods to influence me. I must not panic but continue to be his gentle confidante and loving supporter. The next best thing is to keep the household running intact and not allow my rambunctious son to run all over him when he is in need of rest. Last but not least I need to keep him constantly in my prayers.

It may seem like a tall order but we all have our parts to play in a loving marriage. A beautiful line in the Qur'an describes the relationship between a husband and wife, "they are your garments as you are their garments". In His mercy, Allah gave us the right to protection under our husbands' care, so to show our gratitude we do our part to preserve our husband's best interest at heart by doing all that is within our means, Insha'Allah.

"Remember Me, and I shall remember you; be grateful to Me,
and deny Me not." (Quran 2:152)

My Brand New Niece!

Here's Alipuddin' puckering up to plant his new sweet cousin a hearty welcome-to-this-world kiss on the cheek!

My younger sister just gave birth to her first-born daughter, Umairah on the 5th of February 2009.

The happy mother and daughter pair are now cosily ensconced in our family home for the traditional 40-day confinement period.

The rest of us are on standby to give her the support that she needs during this time of healing and adjustment.

Ali, you have to act like a big boy now that you're no longer the baby in the family!